AntiBullying Week 2015 – how to take action when feeling bullied and you can’t trust your boss

Sometimes leaders overuse their strengths and no longer notice that they are not working abw_twitter_black_500x250well. This can lead to people feeling bullied, not listened to and makes the leader hard to work with. In helping Annette, whose boss John, overused being a ‘devils advocate’. This meant he became argumentative, and destructive – even though he thought he was being helpful and ensuring high quality work was done.

The story in this link http://mwrconsulting.co.uk/?p=2715 shows what happens in these circumstances and outline three actions that can be taken.

If you need help call me on 07779 345 499, or email me to m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

Reach us at 07779 345 499, m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

T: 07779 345 499

Marjorie Raymond

Marjorie Raymond

E: m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

We have experience in developing senior managers and their team members – both on an individual and team level – so they can develop practical approaches that encourage positive, constructive behaviour. This, in turn, leads to the development of positive beliefs and values. We are ready work with you, to help you get the best out of your people.

Here are some examples of approaches that can be used and tailored to your individual needs:

  • Certified ACT practitioner
  • Support if you are being bullied, or have a member of your organisation who has made a bullying complaint
  • Certified Mediation practioner, to address workplace conflict,
  • Personal development activities
  • Individual and group coaching…Coaching – a powerful way of developing people
  • Psychometric assessment, which can identify strengths as well as derailing behaviours and also include 360 degree feedback
  • Structured module for understanding the psychological contracts in your organisation, both at an individual or team level
  • Straight Talking: …Straight Talking create change through conversations
  • Special projects, secondments and assignments

 

AntiBullying Week 2015 – Do you act straight away when evidence of bullying arises?

As previous blogs in this series for #AntiBullyingWeek 2015 have shown [http://ow.ly/UNasT, http://ow.ly/UNalh] it can be abw_twitter_black_500x250hard for people to make a compliant against a leader who is a bully.

Here is a check list to help you to consider and act straight away:

1. Where evidence arises about bullying be prepared to act. No matter how senior the people involved may be.

You ignore it at your peril, so please don’t, otherwise you give bullies permission to operate

2.    Train HR to investigate well

3.    Create a culture where your people can speak up and be respected for raising interpersonal issues. Be open and aware of developing patterns of behaviour indicating an intervention may be necessary

4.    Develop a governance framework and policies that ensure welfare by holding key individuals accountable. Specifically:

  • Consider the use of upwards and 360 degree appraisal as part of your performance management process
  • Implement a whistle-blowing mechanism that provides anonymity for concerned people to call out a problem

5.    Set clear vision, strategy, objectives and goals

6.    When people say they are being bullied by their leader recognise that this may challenging for both parties and support them both through the process. Sometimes, it turns out there has been a misunderstanding. However, even when this is the case continue support. When organisations do this well it means organisational trust has a chance of being retained

7.    Keep in mind the circumstances that make an organisation attractive to a leader who is a bully:

  • Lack of checks and balances to support governance policies and processes often provide a bully with an opportunity since warning signs about developing issues get missed.
  • Change and organisational uncertainty often provides legitimate requests for more authority and control. A bully will seek to claim and retain them
  • Too many rules that are also used inflexibly can be high-jacked by a bully, simply because no one questions the legitimacy of their use

8.   Don’t appoint a bully, use psychometric assessments such as the Hogan Development Survey

9.    Be clear about the behaviours you don’t want, for example:

You ignore aggressive bullying behaviour by leaders at your peril

You ignore aggressive bullying behaviour by leaders at your peril

  • Haughty, insincere, manipulative
  • hallow, back-stabbing,
  • Lacking social and communication skills
  • Impatient, erratic, unreliable
  • Lying, cheating, bullying

10. Use your 306 degree data to identify whether you have managers whose self-perception is very wide of their team’s

11. Use reference checks thoroughly and call referees. You may discover a back story that will be told but not formally written down.

12. Use on-boarding to establish the organisations expectations and processes that are required for success. Make sure you set clear goals, establish role clarity, help people understand the formal and informal rules, and how the governance process works, including who the stakeholders are and how the decision-making networks operate

13. Use ongoing performance management to give feedback

14. Identify leaders who may have slipped through the net quickly by being open minded about developing patterns of behaviour, see point 3 above

If you need help in dealing with bullying and or help with an issue where mediation may be useful then you can reach Marjorie at MWR Consulting on 07779 345 499,m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

Reach us at 07779 345 499, m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

T: 07779 345 499

Marjorie Raymond

Marjorie Raymond

E: m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

We have experience in developing senior managers and their team members – both on an individual and team level – so they can develop practical approaches that encourage positive, constructive behaviour. This, in turn, leads to the development of positive beliefs and values. We are ready work with you, to help you get the best out of your people.

Here are some examples of approaches that can be used and tailored to your individual needs:

  • Certified ACT practitioner
  • Support if you are being bullied, or have a member of your organisation who has made a bullying complaint
  • Certified Mediation practioner, to address workplace conflict,
  • Personal development activities
  • Individual and group coaching…Coaching – a powerful way of developing people
  • Psychometric assessment, which can identify strengths as well as derailing behaviours and also include 360 degree feedback
  • Structured module for understanding the psychological contracts in your organisation, both at an individual or team level
  • Straight Talking: …Straight Talking create change through conversations
  • Special projects, secondments and assignments

AntiBullying Week 2015 – Two things HR need to get right to erradicate Bullying

Human Resources need to know who to believe when an incident of Bullying is reported to them. There isabw_twitter_black_500x250 a difference between a prickly situation and a bullying campaign. As we saw in Sarah’s story reporting bullying to HR takes courage (the back story is provided in this link http://mwrconsulting.co.uk/?p=9814)

First – HR Need to Investigate Bullying Thoroughly – use a template to guide your data collection

ACAS definition of bullying: Offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behaviour, an abuse or misuse of power through means that undermine, humiliate, denigrate or injure the recipient.

Of course  behaviour may appear as bullying or assertive management depending on your viewpoint. However, 3 examples of Sarah’s complaints as quoted from the HR report indicate that Sarah was being bullied:

  1. Experiencing victimisation, and witnessing others being victimised:“Sarah witnessed Nigel bully two other members of the team, one which took place in a Team Meeting”
  2. Threats and comments made about job security that lack foundation:“Nigel announced that his team would be growing and that there would be plenty of work for everyone. Nigel then after the meeting told Sarah that it was extremely unlikely that her contract would be renewed and that she could have some time off work for interviews”
  3. Unfair treatment:” … Nigel is very aggressive and is trying to divide and rule by cleaning out the existing team and bringing in his own new team” and “being bullied feels like being stabbed in the back”

HR intentions in Sarah’s case while honourable failed to identify that bullying occurred. Later events showed this and the investigator admitted that:

“Nigel was so plausible, he managed me”

An investigation needs a structure and to use a template of questions to ensure that everyone involved has the opportunity to discuss their role in events and its impact on them. The questions ought to be based on who, what, where, when, why and how. They should hone in on personally observed situations and also upon the role, actions and feelings of the interviewee.

Circumstances may arise where there is a personality disordered bully involved. Therefore, it is useful for investigators to keep this in mind. It is important since personality disorder is revealed in a steady pattern of behaviour and resulting in relationship troubles, often evidenced in their HR file. Some personality disordered people are aware of the impact of their behaviours and others are not. Further, some may be deliberately inconsiderate. Essentially, for a personality disordered individual interpersonal issues are not their problem, they are always the other person’s. Motivation for their behaviour may be well concealed, as they may have learnt to camouflage it, especially to more senior people. More about disordered personality and bullying will feature in a future blog post.

There is evidence in Sarah’s story that the bully may have been personality disordered. There is no evidence that this crossed the investigators’ minds. Dealing with personality disordered employees is challenging, so get help from an occupational psychologist or a mediator.

Second – Use A Process – to make sure you have covered all the angles, witnesses and points of view

It beggars belief to say this, the investigation found no evidence of bullying. There seemed to be no framework and process for HR follow.

This left Sarah to use the only recourse left: mediation. In fact this was not mediation; rather it was a personal grievance process. That Sarah continued shows how determined she was not to be a victim. In my experience this is rare. Sarah said the turning point was when:

“Nigel said he did not know I was taken on as the boss’ social media specialist. I said it was common knowledge that he had applied for the job.” Sarah thought HR looked stunned by this.

That this crucial piece of evidence took so long to surface was appalling.

Things HR can do to make a difference

  • Get trained to investigate bullying and grievances, include line managers
  • Get help when the process is a challenge

In fairness, in Sarah’s case the organisation’s culture limited HR’s scope. Organisations need to develop a safe bully-free culture. A bully-free culture both makes ethical sense, and engages people at work. High organisational engagement results in far more productivity.

If you need help in dealing with bullying and or help with an issue where mediation may be useful then you can reach Marjorie at MWR Consulting on 07779 345 499, m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

Reach us at 07779 345 499, m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

T: 07779 345 499

Marjorie Raymond

Marjorie Raymond

E: m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

We have experience in developing senior managers and their team members – both on an individual and team level – so they can develop practical approaches that encourage positive, constructive behaviour. This, in turn, leads to the development of positive beliefs and values. We are ready work with you, to help you get the best out of your people.

Here are some examples of approaches that can be used and tailored to your individual needs:

  • Certified ACT practitioner
  • Support if you are being bullied, or have a member of your organisation who has made a bullying complaint
  • Certified Mediation practioner, to address workplace conflict,
  • Personal development activities
  • Individual and group coaching…Coaching – a powerful way of developing people
  • Psychometric assessment, which can identify strengths as well as derailing behaviours and also include 360 degree feedback
  • Structured module for understanding the psychological contracts in your organisation, both at an individual or team level
  • Straight Talking: …Straight Talking create change through conversations
  • Special projects, secondments and assignments

AntiBullying Week 2015 – 9 tips to help if you are being bullied

abw_twitter_black_500x250

The story below is true.It tells how Sarah coped with being bullied and shares nine valuable tips to help if you are being bullied at work. First published last year, I feel it is still valuable for AntiBullying Week 2015. If you need help please contact me on 07779 345 499. The story is here: http://mwrconsulting.co.uk/?p=9112

Reach us at 07779 345 499, m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

T: 07779 345 499

Marjorie Raymond

Marjorie Raymond

E: m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

We have experience in developing senior managers and their team members – both on an individual and team level – so they can develop practical approaches that encourage positive, constructive behaviour. This, in turn, leads to the development of positive beliefs and values. We are ready work with you, to help you get the best out of your people.

Here are some examples of approaches that can be used and tailored to your individual needs:

  • Certified ACT practitioner
  • Support if you are being bullied, or have a member of your organisation who has made a bullying complaint
  • Certified Mediation practioner, to address workplace conflict,
  • Personal development activities
  • Individual and group coaching…Coaching – a powerful way of developing people
  • Psychometric assessment, which can identify strengths as well as derailing behaviours and also include 360 degree feedback
  • Structured module for understanding the psychological contracts in your organisation, both at an individual or team level
  • Straight Talking: …Straight Talking create change through conversations

Special projects, secondments and assignments

 

Nine tips for surviving a toxic leader – and preventing bullying

Day-to-day bullies often effectively camouflage themselves from those who they are not targeting

Day-to-day bullies often effectively camouflage themselves from those who they are not targeting

Sarah asked me for help when she realised that her leader was a bully with serious interpersonal issues [back-story:http://mwrconsulting.co.uk/?p=8674]. Other people said he was a psychopath. However, Sarah wanted to know if that was likely and whether she could manage being bullied constructively.

It was not good news for Sarah. The bully seemed to show some degree of psychopathic behaviour. From Sarah’s story the traits shown were:

  • Superficial charm, but had a nasty temper
  • Inconsistent, unreliable, untrustworthy
  • Prepared to lie, even when faced with the undeniable
  • Made threats even in public, sometimes with grandstanding performance
  • Was cold and calculating
  • Enjoyed seeing others suffer when dishing out put-downs and making coercive demands
  • Seemed to have some personal habits that bordered on illegal (some people suspected drug taking)
  • Totally self centred and disinterested in other people’s lives

In general, a psychopathic leader tends to be bright and supremely manipulative – or – an intimidating bully.

In the cold light of day it can be hard to understand how someone with psychopathic characteristics survives at work. However, research shows that many are successful. On a day-to-day basis they effectively camouflage themselves by being articulate, with good social skills and by deploying charm. They typically create a positive impression on others, particularly those more senior to them. What makes a psychopath a misery to work for is the ruthless use of powerful manipulation skills with no compunction regarding the cost to others. No charm here! They have a ruthless drive to destroy others reputations by undermining their confidence and competence.

Advice for a bullied team member

Unfortunately there is no silver bullet, here is some of the advice I gave to Sarah to inform her journey [http://mwrconsulting.co.uk/?p=8674]:

  1. Manage your boundaries: this person will use any information you give them about the organisation, other people and about yourself. So don’t provide gossip and salacious tales of organisational behavioural indiscretions
  2. Check out their version of events thoroughly with people you can trust and document discrepancies
  3. Keep a record of what you achieve and refer to it to help you maintain your confidence. Be ready to use it should you need to refute your leader’s manipulative negative performance assertions
  4. When you have the opportunity to interact with other leaders make sure they get the chance to note your performance
  5. Try to avoid one-on-one meetings
  6. Under-react to the emotional tone. Keep your emotions to yourself as much as possible
  7. Document every step you take. Do as Sarah did document everything from the electronic to conversations in a contemporaneous note (and don’t keep them at work)
  8. Get help from a psychologist make sure your management understand this situation
  9. If you make a complaint about the bully keep the above in mind, and don’t rely on confidentiality. At some point the bully will know and is very likely to escalate their behaviour

If you want a reminder of what Sarah did them click here: [http://mwrconsulting.co.uk/?p=8674]

If you need help in dealing with bullying you can reach Marjorie Raymond on 07779 345 499, or by email: m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

Reach us at 07779 345 499, m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

Marjorie Raymond

Marjorie Raymond

T: 07779 345 499

E: m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

We have experience in developing senior managers and their team members – both on an individual and team level – so they can develop practical approaches that encourage positive, constructive behaviour. This, in turn, leads to the development of positive beliefs and values. We are ready work with you, to help you get the best out of your people.

Here are some examples of approaches that can be used and tailored to your individual needs:

  • Support if you are being bullied, or have a member of your organisation who has made a bullying complaint
  • Mediation, to address workplace conflict
  • Personal development activities
  • Individual and group coaching…Coaching – a powerful way of developing people
  • Psychometric assessment, which can identify strengths as well as derailing behaviours and also include 360 degree feedback
  • Structured module for understanding the psychological contracts in your organisation, both at an individual or team level
  • Straight Talking: …Straight Talking create change through conversations
  • Special projects, secondments and assignments

 

14 Steps to Start Addressing Behaviours of a Leader Who is Also a Bully

1.Where evidence arises about bullying be prepared to act. No matter how senior the people involved may be

1. Where evidence arises about bullying be prepared to act. No matter how senior the people involved may be

As the previous blogs in this series (http://mwrconsulting.co.uk/?page_id=117)  have shown how hard it can be for a team member to make a complaint against a leader who is a bully. The power and reputational advantages of leadership often mean people like Sarah are not believed. Eventually Sarah was believed, yet her contract was not renewed and the bully stayed employed. Much of the difficulty was owing to poor investigation processes and weak management who would rather not renew a contract than manage a leader who was a bully.

Is it any wonder that CIPD estimates that bullying costs the UK economy £2 billion? Do you have concerns? Then take these 14 steps:

1.    Where evidence arises about bullying be prepared to act. No matter how senior the people involved may be.

You ignore it at your peril, so please don’t, otherwise you give bullies permission to operate

2.    Train HR to investigate well

3.    Create a culture where your people can speak up and be respected for raising interpersonal issues. Be open and aware of developing patterns of behaviour indicating an intervention may be necessary

4.    Develop a governance framework and policies that ensure welfare by holding key individuals accountable. Specifically:

  • Consider the use of upwards and 360 degree appraisal as part of your performance management process
  • Implement a whistle-blowing mechanism that provides anonymity for concerned people to call out a problem

5.    Set clear vision, strategy, objectives and goals

6.    When people say they are being bullied by their leader recognise that this may challenging for both parties and support them both through the process. Sometimes, it turns out there has been a misunderstanding. However, even when this is the case continue support. When organisations do this well it means organisational trust has a chance of being retained

7.    Keep in mind the circumstances that make an organisation attractive to a leader who is a bully:

  • Lack of checks and balances to support governance policies and processes often provide a bully with an opportunity since warning signs about developing issues get missed.
  • Change and organisational uncertainty often provides legitimate requests for more authority and control. A bully will seek to claim and retain them
  • Too many rules that are also used inflexibly can be high-jacked by a bully, simply because no one questions the legitimacy of their use

8.   Don’t appoint a bully, use psychometric assessments such as the Hogan Development Survey

9.    Be clear about the behaviours you don’t want, for example:

You ignore aggressive bullying behaviour by leaders at your peril

You ignore aggressive bullying behaviour by leaders at your peril

  • Haughty, insincere, manipulative
  • hallow, back-stabbing,
  • Lacking social and communication skills
  • Impatient, erratic, unreliable
  • Lying, cheating, bullying

10. Use your 306 degree data to identify whether you have managers whose self-perception is very wide of their team’s

11. Use reference checks thoroughly and call referees. You may discover a back story that will be told but not formally written down.

12. Use on-boarding to establish the organisations expectations and processes that are required for success. Make sure you set clear goals, establish role clarity, help people understand the formal and informal rules, and how the governance process works, including who the stakeholders are and how the decision-making networks operate

13. Use ongoing performance management to give feedback

14. Identify leaders who may have slipped through the net quickly by being open minded about developing patterns of behaviour, see point 3 above

If you need help in dealing with bullying and or help with an issue where mediation may be useful then you can reach Marjorie at MWR Consulting on 07779 345 499, m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

 

Reach us at 07779 345 499, m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

Marjorie Raymond

Marjorie Raymond

T: 07779 345 499

E: m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

We have experience in developing senior managers and their team members – both on an individual and team level – so they can develop practical approaches that encourage positive, constructive behaviour. This, in turn, leads to the development of positive beliefs and values. We are ready work with you, to help you get the best out of your people.

Here are some examples of approaches that can be used and tailored to your individual needs:

  • Support if you are being bullied, or have a member of your organisation who has made a bullying complaint
  • Mediation, to address workplace conflict
  • Personal development activities
  • Individual and group coaching…Coaching – a powerful way of developing people
  • Psychometric assessment, which can identify strengths as well as derailing behaviours and also include 360 degree feedback
  • Structured module for understanding the psychological contracts in your organisation, both at an individual or team level
  • Straight Talking: …Straight Talking create change through conversations
  • Special projects, secondments and assignments

 

Three Symptoms HR Should Recognise as Bullying – Know Who to Believe

it leaves people feeling sad and betrayed when HR don't properly investigate bullying

People feel sad and betrayed when HR don’t properly investigate bullying

Sarah was being bullied (the back story is here..http://mwrconsulting.co.uk/?p=8674). Based on a kind colleague’s advice she acted quickly and early to get ready to fight back and to be better able to protect herself.

Sarah sought help from HR. However, this proved a disappointing experience as it was characterised by a systemic failure to recognise the difference between prickly situations and a bullying campaign.

Failure 1 Poor Investigation

ACAS definition of bullying:

Offensive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behaviour, an abuse or misuse of power through means that undermine, humiliate, denigrate or injure the recipient.

This sort of behaviour may appear as bullying or assertive management depending on your viewpoint. Nevertheless, 3 examples of Sarah’s complaints as quoted from the HR report suggest that this was bullying:

  1. Experiencing victimisation, and witnessing other being victimised:“Sarah witnessed Nigel bully two other members of the team, one which took place in a Team Meeting”
  2. Threats and comments made about job security that lacked foundation:“Nigel announced that his team would be growing and that there would be plenty of work for everyone. Nigel then after the meeting told Sarah that it was extremely unlikely that her contract would be renewed and that she could have some time off work for interviews”
  3. Unfair treatment

    ” … Nigel is very aggressive and is trying to divide and rule by cleaning out the existing team and bringing in his own new team”

    “Being bullied felt like being stabbed in the back”

HR intentions in Sarah’s case while honourable failed to identify that bullying occurred. Later events showed this and the investigator admitted that:

“Nigel was so plausible, he managed me”

An investigation needs a structure and to use a template of questions to ensure that everyone involved has the opportunity to discuss their role in events and its impact on them. The questions ought to be based on who, what, where, when, why and how. They should hone in on personally observed situations and also upon the role, actions and feelings of the interviewee.

Circumstances may arise where there is a personality disordered bully involved. Therefore, it is useful for investigators to keep this in mind. It is important since personality disorder is revealed in a steady pattern of behaviour and resulting in relationship troubles, often evidenced in their HR file. Some personality disordered people are aware of the impact of their behaviours and others are not. Further, some may be deliberately inconsiderate. Essentially, for a personality disordered individual interpersonal issues are not their problem, they are always the other person’s. Motivation for their behaviour may be well concealed, as they may have learnt to camouflage it, especially to more senior people. More about disordered personality and bullying will feature in a future blog post.

There is evidence in Sarah’s story that the bully may have been personality disordered. There is no evidence that this crossed the investigators’ minds. Dealing with personality disordered employees is challenging, so get help from an occupational psychologist or a mediator.

Failure 2 Process

It beggars belief to say this, the investigation found no evidence of bullying.

This left Sarah to use the only recourse left: mediation. In fact this was not mediation; rather it was a personal grievance process. That Sarah continued shows how determined she was not to be a victim. In my experience this is rare. Sarah said the turning point was when:

“Nigel said he did not know I was taken on as the boss’ social media specialist. I said it was common knowledge that he had applied for the job.” HR looked stunned.

That this crucial piece of evidence took so long to surface was appalling.

Things HR can do to make a difference

  • Get trained to investigate bullying and grievances, include line managers
  • Get help when the process is challenge

In fairness, in Sarah’s case the organisation’s culture limited HR’s scope. Organisations need to develop a safe bully-free culture. This culture both makes ethical sense, and engages people at work. High organisational engagement results in far more productivity. This will be discussed in a future blog.

If you need help contact MWR Consulting Ltd on 07779 345 499, or m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

Reach us at 07779 345 499, m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

Marjorie Raymond

Marjorie Raymond

T: 07779 345 499

E: m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

We have experience in developing senior managers and their team members – both on an individual and team level – so they can develop practical approaches that encourage positive, constructive behaviour. This, in turn, leads to the development of positive beliefs and values. We are ready work with you, to help you get the best out of your people.

Here are some examples of approaches that can be used and tailored to your individual needs:

  • Support if you are being bullied, or have a member of your organisation who has made a bullying complaint
  • Mediation, to address workplace conflict
  • Personal development activities
  • Individual and group coaching…Coaching – a powerful way of developing people
  • Psychometric assessment, which can identify strengths as well as derailing behaviours and also include 360 degree feedback
  • Structured module for understanding the psychological contracts in your organisation, both at an individual or team level
  • Straight Talking: …Straight Talking create change through conversations
  • Special projects, secondments and assignments

9 Tips To Help If You Are Being Bullied At Work

The bully said ” it was extremely unlikely that my contract would be renewed…. I felt sick”

Shocking story of Sarah’s courage and persistence will help anyone who finds themselves being bullied at work. It is based on my working with her to support her during the ‘lived experience’ of being bullied by her boss.

Sarah was recruited on a temporary six month contract as a social media specialist for the CEO and the executive team in a of a UK financial services firm. By the time she arrived a new head of department Nigel had been appointed. Immediately, he used the first team meeting Sarah attended to tell her that he would be doing social media. There was never a moment to discuss this in private. Nigel made sure of that. Meanwhile, to help out her new team, Sarah agreed to cover the highly political and sensitive job of media relations. The CEO personally thanked her for doing so. Not Nigel, Sarah says he told her:

“It was extremely unlikely that my contract would be renewed and that he, Nigel, would give me a reference and time off for interviews. I felt sick.”

Things got even worse when:

“He tried to hold a 1-2-1 meeting with me, in a room that was not visible from the main office floor”. HR advised Sarah to attend, and told Nigel to use a different room. Nigel told HR he made a booking mistake. But, then the following week booked it again

Public meetings were a nightmare too:

“He tries to humiliate me in team meetings”

“Today Nigel publicly demoted David, at our team meeting, and I have seen this happen publicly to others before”

“I feel depressed and humiliated, and totally undervalued as a result of all this. I feel as if I can never relax as I don’t know when, or where, an attack is coming from. I feel this bad treatment is deliberate and the aim is to make me so miserable that I will leave. He is consistently aggressive”

Valuable actions that Sarah took:

  1. Be kind to yourself – the battle takes a lot of energy
  2. Anger is valuable as it helps protect you – however, don’t allow it to drive you towards doing anything foolish. Your adversary may then paint you as the aggressor, the unreasonable one.
  3. Shine your light – actively project an alternative image of yourself as a calm and competent professional. Doing good work publicly reduces feelings of victimisation and protects your reputation
  4. Actively seek support – friends and family, especially anyone knowledgeable. Sarah said, “having Marjorie who understood the psychology of a bully helped immensely”
  5. Say as little as possible to a bully. Become boring to the bully, and he has little to use against you. Don’t ever, ever confide in a bully as they seek excitement from seeing people react and become upset. Conflict gives them a thrill of power.
  6. Listen well: Sarah was adept at noticing the bully telegraph his bad intentions – “I noticed immediately – I had the job he wanted, which he took”
  7. Document, document, document… as soon as you see/feel the first warning sign. Don’t wait. Do so fully, and date as ‘contemporaneous notes’ to show this is serious. And any email you get a feeling might be useful to you later on print out and save
  8. Never lose your cool or betray your emotions – and avoid accepting a meeting alone with a bully, especially off-site; say such meetings are “unprofessional”
  9. The benefits of standing up for yourself are many – you will not lose your confidence (it may increase) and you will not be depressed. You will probably prevent the bully giving you a bad reference. You may lose your job but you will not berate yourself later on for allowing yourself to be walked on and feel depressed and unable to work. You will also realise what a pathetic, empty person the bully is

If you need help then you can reach us at 07779 345 499, m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

ACAS provide advice to employees: http://www.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/o/c/Bullying-and-harassment-at-work-a-guide-for-employees.pdf

Reach us at 07779 345 499, m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

Marjorie Raymond

Marjorie Raymond

T: 07779 345 499

E: m.raymond@mwrconsulting.co.uk

We have experience in developing senior managers and their team members – both on an individual and team level – so they can develop practical approaches that encourage positive, constructive behaviour. This, in turn, leads to the development of positive beliefs and values. We are ready work with you, to help you get the best out of your people.

Here are some examples of approaches that can be used and tailored to your individual needs:

  • Special projects, secondments and assignments
  • Mediation, to address workplace conflict
  • Personal development activities
  • Individual and group coaching…Coaching – a powerful way of developing people
  • Psychometric assessment, which can identify strengths as well as derailing behaviours and also include 360 degree feedback
  • Structured module for understanding the psychological contracts in your organisation, both at an individual or team level
  • Straight Talking: …Straight Talking create change through conversations